Teaching Young Kids About Death is Uncomfortable: These 3 Tips Will Help to Have ‘The Talk’ in a Smoother Way

Death is an unnerving concept for adults to discuss, let alone for children. It's always heartbreaking and awkward to bring the topic up in the first place. All this notwithstanding, it's still important to explain mortality to kids in a manner that's humane, yet candid. The perception children have of reality hinges on the lessons they learn through adult guidance.

 Beware of Creating Confusion:

Author Anya Kamenetz suggests that, “When it comes to describing the what of death to kids — what exactly happens to our bodies and what that means — it's important to be straightforward. Children often struggle to grasp death's permanence. And parents only complicate matters when they resort to euphemisms.” Here are a few brief guidelines on how to introduce and discuss the concept of death with children:

      I.        Be Honest:

When discussing death with children, it's more appropriate to be factual, and literal. Avoid trying to sugarcoat the situation, because this will only lead to misunderstandings. For example, instead of saying that someone 'went to sleep,' or 'passed away,' it's better to outright say that they 'died.' This may seem like a blunt way of putting things, but it's healthier in light of how fundamentally children think. If a child is allowed to internalize a euphemism, they may not understand that 'sleeping' and 'dying' are two different things.

     II.        Be Gentle:

When broaching the subject of death, be gentle and compassionate. Let children know that it's okay to feel sad, scared, or confused. Reassure them that these are all normal reactions to death. Even though children might not fully comprehend the concept of death in the moment, they're still going to mature into adults who reflect on, and remember loss from the past. Gentle explanations reduce the chances of traumatic recollection and memory.

    III.        Be Patient:

When discussing death with children, it's best to expect questions. Many difficult questions. Instead of being dismissive or indifferent, go the extra mile to be patient when answering them. Children may not understand everything right away, and that's okay. What's important is that they feel comfortable being inquisitive and expressing their feelings. 

As adults, we often find it cringeworthy to discuss death with children. We may feel like they're too young to understand, or that the idea of mortality will scare them. At the end of the day though, death is an unavoidable part of life. Which means it's necessary to talk about it sensitively, but frankly. A compassionate approach is the best way to help young minds adapt in a healthy way.

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